In the global business environment, work often involves dealing with people from different cultural backgrounds. It is crucial to perceive the subtleties and understand the importance of “small talk” as a nearly universal communication tool. Not only can it quickly establish harmonious interpersonal relationships, but it also plants the seeds for deepening friendships. However, deftly applying “small talk” in actual interactions is another challenge.
Imagine being at an international conference, excited to meet industry peers from around the globe, but hesitating during a networking dinner over how to converse with people of different cultural backgrounds. Facing the initial chit-chat with strangers can be uncomfortable enough within the same cultural environment, let alone the increased difficulty when crossing cultural boundaries. Not knowing the people you’re about to meet, being ignorant of their conversational styles, and hesitating to preserve one’s professional image and avoid cultural faux pas become crucial.
At this point, you need a set of flexible, practical conversational tools that can be used at any time. In a study involving professionals from around the world, we found a whole set of skills that are synonymous with “small talk.” Although it is a common perception that not everyone enjoys small talk, and attitudes towards it vary from country to country—for example, Americans might like casual conversation, while Germans tend to go straight to the point—in multicultural exchanges, light introductory conversations or “small talk” seems particularly important and sometimes indispensable.
How to effectively master the art of “small talk”?
Thinking: One should avoid contradictions in understanding “small talk”: be aware of the possibility of cultural differences, yet not be overwhelmed by inconsistent cultural rules. When thinking about small talk, remember two points:
1. The rules in your country are not universal: The way of communication you take for granted may not apply elsewhere. Similarly, the cultural rules of others may also be novel to you.
2. People from different cultural backgrounds have different understandings of small talk: In deciding with whom to chat, choosing topics, and determining the duration of small talk, people have a wide range of standards and preferences that require our insight and adaptability.
A professional from Jordan jokingly said that socializing in their country should really be called “long conversations” or “big talk,” with tea-drinking and candy-tasting, conversations are often lengthy and boundless. In China, chattering with a supervisor may be seen as a brainless move. A Brazilian stated that she could easily discuss any topic with anyone, however, in many countries such as France and Korea, people typically choose to engage in small talk only with those they know well.
For global professionals seeking engagement on the international stage, this means that your own communication norms are not applicable everywhere. At the same time, once you are in a group composed of people from multiple countries, there is no unified correct way to communicate.
Striving to establish human connections: In a gathering where diverse communication styles converge, there may be times when you feel out of your element. But remember, your conversational partner is not a nation, but real individuals. Based on each person’s personality and a unique “mix” made up of various factors—often referred to as the shaping characteristics of experience and cultural background—they might surprise you unexpectedly, perhaps in line with your expectations, or perhaps completely opposite. We interviewed some Germans who said they actually enjoy chatting with strangers as it allows them to step out of their comfort zones; meanwhile, some Americans might choose to play with their phones for fear of talking to strangers. Others might do things at an international workplace that they would never insist on doing in their own country, but learn how to do so.
For global professionals, this means that before you even say hello, you cannot truly anticipate what kind of person you will encounter.
Behavior: How to engage in small talk In the diverse global business environment, national and cultural norms often are not as fixed as we imagine. So, how can one initiate sincere conversations with colleagues from around the world?
First, utilize commonalities and context. Common ground is like the bricks that help build bridges of communication with others. In global business settings, we have more in common than we might realize. Attending the same conference is an example of common ground; you can use this opportunity to ask strangers questions related to the conference, to break the ice, learn why they are attending, which topics they are interested in, whether they plan to attend a particular keynote speech, or if it is their first time attending such a conference, and so on.
If you are both in the same city, you can also engage in conversation based on that. Try asking them if they have been to Singapore before and what attractions they recommend, for instance. Moreover, if the conference focuses on a specialized field, such as medicine, you can ask if they are medical practitioners or hospital administrators; if it is a conference on technical project management, you can ask if they are also in the engineering field.
Another strategy is to comment on elements in the surrounding environment that you and your interlocutor both share at the moment, like giving your opinion on the ornate chandeliers of the conference hotel lobby, the unsatisfactory banquet hall decor, or even the bland coffee.
During your interactions, you will also express your opinions on the surrounding environment and related items. For example, if their backpack has a unique maple leaf emblem, you can try saying: “Is that a Canadian sticker? Are you from Canada?” In fact, whether they are truly from Canada, whether they intend to attend all sessions, or even if they like the art in the lobby is not most critical; what’s key is that these serve as starting points for your conversation. What matters is, when the other person responds, you show attention and listen. This not only encourages the person to continue the conversation with you, but it also provides more clues for you to guide the conversation deeper. For example, when you ask if they are from Canada and they mention Toronto, and you happen to have had a vacation there with your family, the conversation will continue more naturally as you start sharing each other’s interesting details.
Secondly, asking open-ended questions is another powerful tool in making small talk. When we ask questions, we often overlook the wording of our inquiries, but in reality, subtle differences can lead to entirely different outcomes in a conversation. A closed-ended question might be: “Did you like the conference?”The other person might explain in some detail why they did or did not like it, but they could also simply answer “yes” or “no.” While this isn’t necessarily a bad question, it’s limited in advancing the conversation. In contrast, if you ask: “What are your thoughts on the conference so far?”, this subtle change could produce a series of potential responses. Perhaps the other party will say: “This year’s conference is much better than previous ones.” You can then ask why; or they might mention they’ve attended some excellent presentations or lectures, allowing you to inquire further about what they found appealing; or, they might reveal that they are adjusting to jet lag, to which you could smoothly follow up with: “Where did you fly in from?”The key is that a simple variation in how you phrase your question can open up a window into learning more about someone else.
Next, sharing stories about yourself is also an effective strategy for building friendly conversation. When you share personal, but not overly private information, you are creating an image in the other person’s mind that is not just an abstract figure, but a living, complex individual. This openness dispels suspicion and makes the other person feel that they’re getting to know the real you. It could be your unique views, your likes, or details related to your background (such as coming from Jamaica)—all of which can make the conversation more lively and also encourage the other person to share their stories. For example, one of the authors named Andy was hosting a training session for executives of a Korean company and ended up sitting with a Korean participant at lunch due to the only vacant seat next to him. Shortly after sitting down, the Korean participant suddenly stood up, apologized to Andy, and explained that he was a new father and therefore was struggling to get enough sleep. Andy found this to be a great conversational opportunity, as he also had a newborn child and was facing the same challenges. Ultimately, their conversation was very enjoyable, and as a result of this casual chat, they established a professional connection.
Sometimes, discussing a topic from multiple perspectives can make the conversation more exciting and engaging. During small talk with others, one may encounter unexpected situations, such as a one-on-one conversation suddenly becoming complicated due to the addition of more people. In such cases, you might not be interested in the topic already being discussed. While exiting the conversation is one option, another approach is to find and introduce topics you are interested in.
Imagine a scenario where the topic of conversation turns to wine, and you might not be particularly interested in the wine itself. However, this doesn’t mean you can’t find enjoyment in the discussion. You might be more interested in the process of winemaking, storing, or selling wine, or you might be curious about the history and economic significance of wine. Perhaps you’re also interested in knowing why some wines have bright colors while others are dark—is it due to grape varieties, the difference in production methods, or a combination of both factors? The key is to actively participate in the conversation by seeking topics that interest you.
In addition to the methods mentioned above, greeting someone is sometimes a simple and effective way to start a conversation. This is particularly important when you feel that you are not good at small talk. For example, at a conference in Poland, during a coffee break, a Polish lady proactively approached Melissa, shook her hand, and introduced herself, expressing a desire to get to know Melissa better. Eventually, they had lunch together at a nearby restaurant and maintained a long-term contact afterward—without falling into clichés about the weather throughout their conversation.
For some people, this direct approach might seem a bit too forward, but it reminds us that small talk is a means to achieving deeper objectives. One can decide how to reach that objective based on personal preference. Establishing relationships in a global business context might seem challenging, but from experience, it can be both a challenge and a pleasant interpersonal experience. The key is to define social tasks as “getting to know others.” You can achieve this by noticing commonalities, sharing personal information, listening to the other person’s stories, asking open-ended questions, or simply engaging in light conversation. In summary, what matters most is not what you said, but whether you managed to establish a connection with others.
